Anna: the great Undeclared.

During  lunch on Wednesday, I randomly threw out this little thought that's been buzzing around my head: What if I take a gap year? It was literally just a thought, but the more my lunch table and I discussed it, the more the idea grew on me - especially going to Africa. Afterwards, I shared this desire with my Unit, and they really laid out all the cons and I left IPLE thinking more along the lines of, I guess it wouldn't really make sense for me to take a year off. Here's some thoughts on the matter:

Cons:

1. money

2. parents

3. finding a good service opportunity

4. will it change anything?

I know that these are huge huge obstacles and are most likely going to make taking a gap year impossible, but I also have some valid reasons for wanting to do this.

1. I don't like where I see myself going. As Armaan so aptly phrased it, I don't like that I can see where I am going. It's like I said in In search of happiness, my life is very formulaic, and I don't see the final destination of that formula as somewhere I want to go. I don't like the thought of living according to a plan whose goal isn't even something I think will make me happy. I want to spend some time simply living in the moment, especially while I'm still young. 

2. Why Africa? Most obviously, helping people would be a good use of my time. But, I also have a more selfish reason. I'd like to go to Africa to satisfy my curiosity. You hear about the poor conditions in Africa all the time, and when you think poor starving children, you think Africa. I want to go there myself someday and see the state of affairs with my own eyes. Is it really that bad or is it a plot by organizations using the plight of others to make a lucrative profit? I've grown somewhat callous to campaigns to help Africa, and if it really is that bad over there, I hope that the experience would reignite that sense of humanity in me.

3. This is perhaps my biggest reason, and until a conversation with Jared today, I didn't really know how to put it into words. The thing is, I don't know who I am. It's not really so much that I don't know myself well enough, but rather that there really isn't anyone to know. Fundamentally, I lack a definitive personality; I'm a very blah person. I like to think of myself as an easy person to get along with. A great part of that, is that I am a very neutral person. I don't have a favorite...well, anything really. No favorite color, no favorite food, no favorite song, movie, or book. Not even a favorite candy bar. I don't have a field of study that really interests me or a career that I'd love to pursue. I have no real political views; in IPLE, I always take that standpoint that no one else wants because I don't really have my own stance on anything. I've never been in love with a guy. I'm not partial to any academic subject (though I am most definitely impartial to some). 

I'm very average. In the beginning of the year, when we'd go to the lab in Macro, Steph and I would fill out our CommonApps. Looking at my grades and standardized test scores, she noted how even though I'm not particularly outstanding in anything, at least I'm consistently mediocre. That pretty much sums me up: good at many many things, but not outstanding at anything.

I don't like that about myself. And before plunging into a future of continued monotonous mediocrity, I'd like the time to take a journey of not only self-discovery, but also self-development. I want to take the time to grow so that I am no longer just

Anna: the great Undeclared.

Food for thought:
Have you considered taking a gap year? For what reasons? (vote in the sidebar)
If you did take a gap year, what would you do? Where would you go?